She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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