Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
