Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We need to get me chipped asap
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
