Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
