Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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