Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
