Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
