you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
