can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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