we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
