Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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