tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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