This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
