i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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