I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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