Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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