did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Randomize
