My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
