i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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