For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
