He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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