so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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