The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
