I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
