White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
