Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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