I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
