You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
