What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
