well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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