Will you blow on my dice?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
