Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
