let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
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Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize