I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
