walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
