GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
