My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
