you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
