we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
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I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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