My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
