Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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