dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
