why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
