yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
