Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
