not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
