He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
