i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
