I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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