You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
