just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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