I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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