You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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