I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
