Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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