Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
