it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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