I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
