Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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