Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
