i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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