I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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