Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Green mimosas i think yes
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
