Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
