end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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