i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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