My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.