Did you just see the Batmobile???
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you