its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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